Glossary
What is unschooling?
Also called life learning or self-directed education. There are as many different ways to unschool as there are people who do it. Some describe it as living as if school never existed. For most, it involves allowing children to decide what they want to learn and how they want to learn it. Unschooling parents generally avoid setting academic goals for their children, and grade levels generally aren’t a meaningful concept.
What is ableism? What is anti-ableism?
Ableism is discrimination against those with disabilities, including invisible disabilities involving brain differences or chronic pain. Many types of ableism are subconscious, like just forgetting to consider the needs of people who struggle in ways that you don’t. Anti-ableism involves trying to become more conscious of your biases while actively working to listen to disabled folks, consider their specific needs, and include more disabled adults and children in your communities and everyday life.
What is deschooling?
Many mainstream homeschoolers consider deschooling a break from schooling. It is a time after leaving traditional school when demands are lowered and kids are given time to recover from whatever trauma they experienced in school. For unschooling families who don’t ever plan to return to coercive education, deschooling represents the work that we do to let go of our biases towards measurable academic progress and fear of failing our children by not forcing them to be like everyone else. It’s generally an ongoing process that may last throughout their childhood and even beyond. To start with, aim for six months or one month for every year in school, and pretend those months are an extended vacation.
What do neurodiversity, neurodivergent, and neurotypical mean?
Neurodiversity is a very broad category covering many types of brain differences, including but not limited to autism, ADHD, giftedness, bipolar, CPTSD, TBI, etc. Neurodiversity represents the idea that brains work in a variety of different ways. A person whose brain works in significantly different ways is called neurodivergent. A person whose brain is relatively average is called neurotypical.
Why use the term disability?
Educating about terminology is part of making the group a safer space for disabled folks, so that each group member doesn’t need to use energy educating others again and again. Our group uses disabled (not differently-abled, special needs, etc) because disability isn’t something shameful that needs euphemisms. Disability means that folks may need extra support to navigate a world that was not designed with their needs in mind.
What does “lived experience” mean?
It means experiences from your own life. There is a history of people speaking for others without truly understanding their lives. Many of the loudest voices in early autism advocacy, for example, were parents of autistic people. While they generally meant well, they couldn’t understand the needs of the community as well as members of the community itself. We encourage parents to seek out voices of people who are actually living with the conditions their children have when they are trying to understand how best to help their children.
What is PDA?
Originally, Pathological Demand Avoidance, though some now prefer Persistent Drive for Autonomy. It is a profile of autism that involves feeling extreme anxiety when confronted with demands. This includes internal demands, like the need to eat, drink, and use the bathroom. It is not yet in the DSM, and doesn’t present similar to stereotypical autism, so it can be very hard to get an official diagnosis. Many people who are diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) feel that PDA fits them better.
What is CPS?
CPS stands for Collaborative Proactive Solutions. It’s Ross Greene‘s system for communicating and collaborating with our children to solve problems. We are societally trained to believe that our role as parents is to provide solutions, even when we’re unsure of ourselves. CPS encourages us to start with a deep understanding of what the problem is, from all perspectives. He gives detailed steps to achieve this understanding, and only then to work towards solutions that work for everyone. He provides some advice for working with neurodivergent kids, but many people, especially those living with PDA, find that his suggestions need to be heavily modified. The lens shift towards seeing all behavior as communication and that kids do well when they can are huge first steps towards healthy problem solving. His work is at livesinthebalance.org.
What is HAES?
HAES stands for Health at Every Size. The core of the movement is recognizing that health is not possible for everyone; that size is not an indicator of health; and that what we can control is our choice to engage in healthier behaviors, not our body size. Many neurodivergent people struggle with interoception, eating (ARFID), managing the body’s demands (PDA), feeling comfortable and confident engaging in group exercise. Many disabled folks face barriers to health and exercise, or need to prioritize pain management, but doctors constantly focus on weight and body-shaming. HAES reminds us to focus on helping everyone move towards greater health–rather than using shame and coercion to change body size.
What is reflective communication?
Reflective function is “defined as the ability to imagine mental states in self and others. Through this capacity for reflection, we develop the ability to understand our own behavioral responses and the responses of others as a meaningful attempt to communicate those inner mental states. … reflective function is the… uniquely human capacity to make sense of each other”..
Reflective listening is “Hearing and understanding what the other person is communicating through words and ‘body language’ to the best of your ability. [And] Responding to the other person by reflecting the thoughts and feelings you heard in [their] words, tone of voice, body posture, and gestures.” – from Reflective Listening
When we or our loved ones are stressed or defensive, we can become “unreflective”. It can feel like our attachment or safety is threatened. It can feel frustrating. We can feel unheard and unseen.
Most of us use reflective function and reflective listening frequently without really thinking about it. Using reflective listening is a way to reflect back to loved ones that they are seen and heard, which reinforces a sense of safety and attachment. More here.
Unschooling Every Family 